I’ve been festering away here in my lounge room for three weeks now. Flat on my back at times on a three inch thick foam mattress on the floor with no television. Imagine opening a door into my brain and peering inside. Well this morning I’ve found myself imagining a block buster disaster movie of which I am going to start writing as soon as I finish this. Not that you will see it of course, its top secret. But in thinking through the concepts I have come across some hard-hitting questions, the first of which is completely irrelevant to this blog:

Did someone called ‘Stan’ really win Australian Idol?

And….

What if we are moving into a global cooling phase rather than global warming?

Imagine your children’s children’s children’s children. All huddled around a fire in threadbare clothing, trying desperately to get some heat into frostbitten fingers. The oceans are freezing, the Antarctic and Arctic have doubled in size and there is a population explosion of penguins. They are taking over the globe, claiming copyright infringement for Happy Feet even. The Australian mammals suffer the same fate as the megafauna did 20,000 years before them. They no longer exist. Conifers dominate the mainland and all but one eucalypt is clinging to life, smuggled to Cuba which is now the size of Australia. And kiwis flood the Australian population (wait a second) as they no longer fake resumes then fly over the pacific to work the mines. They simply drive over. In fact sea levels are so low that you’ve been able to drive to Jakarta for the last 50 years and Hawaii is only split from the mainland by a large inland lake. And did I mention the Australian population is now predominantly Muslim?

Sounds like a disaster movie doesn’t it? It sounds unreal. Well let’s tie it back to reality by asking this question:

What if Kevin Rudd’s Emission Trading Scheme legislation is passed by the senate?

What if my generation embraced this scheme based on the current “human induced climate change” rhetoric? Sounds unreal doesn’t it?  What if democratic governments around the world got together and started a carbon credit trading scheme whereby green producers with no emissions of carbon dioxide (CO₂) are given credit. And mining companies, smelters, and the average person emitting CO₂ have to buy credit. How much can you afford to fart in one day? This is the right moment to mention the following facts about CO₂, that hapless gas that will drive this trade.

CO₂ in the atmosphere is only 0.001% of the total CO₂ in the ocean, rocks, air, soil and life (The Spectator).

Present day CO₂ content is at the lowest it’s been since the beginning of time (ABC AM Program).

Maybe we should be farting more…

So lets say “Eco Guilt”, what Ian Plimer claims to be a “first world luxury”, is continually shoved down our throats by the media and whoever feels the need (and a lot seem to feel the need), and the Emission Trading Scheme gets passed in the senate. Farmers start paying up, the mining industry pays up big, petrol prices sore…. well commodity prices sore in general. Forget cheap return flights from Sydney to Melbourne! The mining industry is crippled, brought to its greasy knees. The farming industry will survive as the Wheat Board and co are already on their knees (clutching Kevin by the hips no less). Oil, gas, coal mining, any mining, dries up as we focus our attention on the new more profitable “green energies”, like wind and solar.

But alas… these “green energies” are already temperamental at best. Sure it’s windy, it’s frigging windy, but at minus 40 degrees centigrade the turbine continues to freeze-up. That and the giant albatross continue to fly into the blades causing hours and hours of downtime. And those millions of dollars spent on solar panels prove wasted as they are useless once buried by snow and ice. So Australia’s Soviet style winter creeps on, but we don’t even have wiper fluid to drink in place of vodka, as the car industry crapped itself years ago.

It’s a dire, unforgiving, over-the-top scenario. But is it too different to the scare campaigns put forward by the extreme environmentalists of the last few years?

In Al Gores new book: “Our Choice: A plan to solve the climate crisis” he has conveniently included a map of earth on the cover, as it looks today. This unfolds to a picture of earth ravished by unchecked global warming (The Examiner). His artwork features a storm over Florida spinning in a clockwise motion, which is impossible in the northern hemisphere. But even more ludicrous is the hurricane over the equator. Is Al Gore implying that “human induced global warming” will spin the entire earth of its axis? This is far more over-the-top than my above “global cooling” scenario.

Other misgivings in Al’s amateurish artwork centre around Cuba appearing completely submerged, thus implying a sea level rise of 6580 feet, thats over 2000 metres about as high as Mt Kosciuszko (far more than the not so conservative 20 feet predicted by the IPCC!) This means the UK, the mother country of all places, would be completely submerged. And with it series four of Little Britain.

So do we need to worry about the current doomsday environmental extremism? Will an entire population of Australians be manipulated by the media to such a degree that carbon trading will soon be a reality? Should I listen to the (seemingly) masses and race out to Bunnings this weekend, grab a sausage sizzle before they become extinct soon, and some timber and nails to start building my ark?

Can I pose the following important question?

Did the German population question the ideals of the Nazi movement? How did a civilized population allow six million Jews die?

And here’s a word: “Mansonism“.

I am going to watch arguably the “biggest” disaster movie ever made tonight. Big in terms of the actual disaster. A “Mansonite” review I read last night of 2012 complained about the lack of a link to “human induced global warming”. Well that’s why I am going to watch it… for pure guilt free cataclysmic disaster.

 “for human arrogance to think that we can actually change the way the planet operates is really quite laughable” Ian Plimer