I attended Bimbadgen Blues and Roots on Saturday. A fabulous day out but God knows why it is “blues and roots”. Its got nothing to do with the colour of the sky, and there’s no potatoes, parsnips or leeks on the menu… although there was quite a few people who were rooted by the end of the day.  A fabulous 28 degree day and a chilled-out afternoon of tunes with the backdrop of the Brokenback Ranges. Not to be mistaken with the slightly less homophobic Brokeback Mountain. 

The worst part of the day would have to have been lining up for 45 minutes to purchase a beverage. But that was OK. You could use that time wisely spotting tedious twenty somethings with a bottle of wine in one hand and a plastic cup in the other… not yet tuckered out. Predictions worthy of a sweepstake… which chicks will be on their ear before dusk.

It was a strictly no BYO event. And although you could take food in, or any other manner of item (a blow-up dolphin?), there was strictly no alcoholic beverages allowed. Random eskies were vaguely being searched, we walked in untouched with a wine cooler in hand. In hindsight it could have had two unopened, unrepentant, bottles of wine in it.

But alas I did have a small stroke of genius the night before and made vodka jelly. No one would suspect a thing about a couple of nobs eating kiddy party food at a festival. It got me thinking about Australian ingenuity, and how we are doing our best to survive the GFC. We may not be the smartest country but we do have the solution to many alcoholic and non alcoholic related problems.

For example:

Problem: You have two pairs of pantyhose. Each with a ladder in one leg.

Solution: Erica of Bradbury NSW took the time to write into the weekend paper to say “Instead of throwing away your pantyhose… cut the offending leg off and wear the one legged pantyhose with another one legged hose that has suffered the same fate” (Herald 13/09). Sounds more like crutchless underwear for the blue rinse brigade to me.

Problem: You feel like a beer but cant afford to buy a carton.

Solution: Two enterprising individuals in WA stole a sea container containing 1349 cartons of a pricey Belgian brew. 35,000 bucks worth all up. Great plan boys but they weren’t so happy with their Hoegaarden when they were busted.

Problem: You feel like vodka but cant afford to buy a bottle.

Solution: More enterprising individuals (probably not the same ones) turned up in Sydney in the wee hours of Sunday morning and stole a sea container containing more than 17,400 bottles of vodka. 600,000 bucks worth all up. Great plan and so far they have gotten away with it!

Problem: You deliver pizza an hour late and the customer is refusing to pay for the half-Hawaiian, half-supreme.

Solution: Obviously worried by the lack of a tip the angry pizza delivery guy grabbed the woman’s four year old son “by the arm through the fence as ransom for the pizza”.

Problem: You wish you had a dog but cannot afford to buy one or feed it.

Solution: Buy a couple of fibreglass dog statues for the front yard. Hopefully you wont get fined 200 bucks for not registering them.

Problem: You get pulled over by the cops but cant afford to offer them a bribe

Solution: You offer them the best of the days catch…. a dead fish. It would have sounded like a super idea for the guy in Darwin with a blood alcohol reading of 0.235.

Has anyone got any other examples of Australian ingenuity that they would like to add…?